...that absurd phone call

There are many things that we take advantage of in life. Things that we think are suppose to happen no matter what the circumstances. The air we breathe...we don't even think about it and breathe it in and out. Take a moment and think of a fish who lives in the water. Will it ever think of it's environment whilst it's swimming all of the it's home? What will it think if it's suddenly taken out of the water? Actually, what will go through it's mind when this happens? It will try to grasp for air, but whatever it takes in does not register. A fish will never think of what will happen if they're fished out of the water despite that we humans continuously mass fish them for our consumption.

This past Thursday, as I was strolling down the congested highway to a procedure, I received a call. I a few questions was racing through my mind and the first one was who'd be calling me so early in the morning? Then I was thinking if it was a friend who could call. Or maybe it was my parents. Finally the answer: it was to cancel the process. I was confused. The first instance my mind was thinking of how to explain this to my boss. At that moment, the only option for me was to go back home and await another call.

Everything was planned and now the whole plan is thrown of it's course. In the beginning of executing the plan, that one phone call puts it on hold. Now that's such a weird and absurd feeling, isn't it? All that planning now seems to be in vain. Funny, isn't it? I assure you that when you're living through it, there's nothing funny about it at all. I couldn't...actually, shouldn't get mad. It wasn't my fault, however, still I shouldn't. My mind was blank. I felt a sense of void... a sense of helplessness... a sense of disorientation.

On the way home, I was senseless. Why is this happening? Was I dreaming? The state of trance made me not want to head home. I wanted the plan to carry out. Such weird feeling. It was as if my vacation was cancelled at the last minute. It was a fact. Obediently, I drove home and waited...and that's what happened most of the day: I waited patiently.

Outcries from within

The trees are still barren. The grass are still pale after the snow has melted. The air is damp and the wind is steady with a chill. The many empty benches lying in the barren park. One lonely goose landed into the pond which has a thin layer of ice. It's lonely quack prompted me to take some pictures of these empty benches that lies lonely, in the park. They once were filled with people who were resting on it. Filled with people who were sharing their secrets on it. Filled with people who just simply sat there to enjoy the children playing in the park. Now their outcries in the cold. Their steel body that's now uninviting. Thoughts that are strongly depressed within. When will it be time again for it to be able to release a warm welcome? When will people start to feel comfortable on it again?


The wind continues to be chilly. The walk around the park is continually lonely. That goose isn't quacking anymore. The warmth within me is fading. It wants to be released. Thoughts that are depressed wants to be released. Thougths that only God would understand. But now He seems far away. Or maybe He never left. Just maybe if I could hear Him say one more time: "Come here my child and let me hold you." Maybe it's even me that isn't hearing it. The wind is still roaring and obstructing my ears.


There are too many suppressors around everyday. Too many to keep count. With a positive attitude I go by daily. Are these positiveness running out? Am I to step away from the crowd and enter loneliness? Should I be uninviting and obnoxious in a subtle way? Should I just follow my instinct? What else is there? There must be other choices. There has got to be another route. As I continue to wander my way around aimlessly, my home calls to me. It's there I'll find warmth. It's there I'll find comfort. In that warmth and comfort, I'll continue to face my challenges. Let Him who provides warmth and comfort also prepare me the strength I need to encounter the challenges ahead of me. May these grass become green again very soon. Let these trees be filled with leaves and wave at each other again. Allow these benches to be inviting for those who are weary to take a rest. Come back soon, you geese and orchestrate with the songs of the birds. Oh warm air, please return your breeze. I miss you.

A new Challenge

A friend of mine is a enthusiast in hiking. Him and his wife goes very often and would encourage me to tag along many times. After trying his training in the easier levels and eventually the more advanced levels, and finally to the levels where it involves some mountain climbing. One day he came to me and said: “You've been trained enough to go to the next stage. Next week, I want to take you to a trail where there's also a mountain to climb. Don't worry, you're training should be sufficient. If you're not ready, I wouldn't give you this challenge.” So, from today onwards, I have to be physically fit to take this challenge. Honestly speaking, I'm very nervous and somewhat frightened by unknowing what is ahead. I just don't know what to expect other than preparing myself mentally as well. Will there be places that I can't walk through? What happens if I encounter a thick fog? Would I be able to trample through marshes? Is the mountain steep? How much gear should I bring with me? Will I physically and mentally ready to take this challenge? What lies ahead is entirely a mystery.