2007

The year 2007 has been an interesting year for me. At the beginning, it never occured to me that it will be a compelling & stimilating one. Now that its nearing the end, I sit look at it and reminisce how it's been treating me. Are you ready to review this thought provoking year?

Back in April, my year & a half old daughter had to experience a major surgery. Imagine an innocent girl who hardly speaks, yet just starting to master her walking skills, and still needs milk approximately 3 times a day, has to prepare herself for surgery. We're talking about a surgery lasting a few hours from end to end. Then the agony of recovery. It isn't a pretty sight. However, with God's grace, not only was our stay at the hospital only 1 week, my daughter's surprise healing was only months. She's now almost like any normal child...being active and achieving every miles stone for her age.

Around the same time right after my daughter's surgery, I lost my job due to some office politics. Thus being idle for a few months made me think about my career path. My spiritual journey during these months was up & down...well, actually mainly down as always. However, bargaining with God was captivating in the essence where God showed me that I can't control my future. All these times I tried to do my best in every task that is laid upon me. No matter how hard I tried, it's still in God's hands.

In May, we went to see the world famous tulips at the Nation's capital: Ottawa. This weekend getaway was very relaxing and for our family to enjoy a time together away from home. We took lots of pictures and my daugther and wife was very happy.

My struggle in finding a job continued as I was looking forward in changing fields without a locked path and lacking any success. I had a view interviews but none worked out. I was however offered two opportunities where I turned down the initial one. When the second one was offered, I almost turned it down for I was very reluctant in taking this offer. Finally, I made a deal with God and decided to take this offer. In both fortunate & unfortunate circumstances the deal ended in an unsophisticated way. However, it was not as sweet as I hoped it would be. I don't know what God wanted me to learn from this experience. He placed me in an environment where I had to encounter situations where I do wish that I don't need to confront anymore in the future. This is where the guarantees will most likely not happen.

Regardless of what has taunted me or whatever I've engaged, it certain was also another year where God's blessing was sufficient. The blessings of God is what I am definitely guaranteed no matter what I am incapable of retreating from. No matter what the circumstances, as long as the Lord is walking with me, there is practically nothing I could fear. Even if I am scared to walk, I know that the Lord will hold my hand and maybe even carry me.

To all my Brothers & Sisters, I would like to express my gratitude for standing beside us while we were in our down times. Your support and prayers has been the pillars for us to lean onto. Having you as our support has been one of God grace and blessing. There is nothing we would trade it for. As you enjoy this Christmas and New Year's celebrations, take the time to reflect on the Saviour's birth. I want to take this opportunity to wish a Merry Christmas and to all a blessed New Year.

Traditional Season's Greetings

In the last few years I noticed that many media have become the so called “Politically Correct” by using or sending their wishes during the Christmas Season as “Happy Holidays.” Come to think of it, I started to realize the impact there was in switching. I don't see the necessity for the switch. It seems to have changed the meaning for Christmas. The world has agreed that Christmas is celebrated on December 25 and December 25 it has been since forever. Then Hanukkah is around the same time. By the way, has anyone mentioned that the Asians and in this case mainly the Chinese also celebrate Winter Solstice on December 22. With the Chinese...I'm sorry, politically correct term: Asians, constitutes for approximately 1/5th of the worlds population. Many Asians agree that the celebration of Winter Solstice is more important than celebrating Chinese New Year for Winter Solstice is where family gathering happens for most just like Christmas for the Western world. By this I refer to North & South Americans and most Europeans. In other words, do the Asians also have to join this campaign in changing their wishes to “Happy Holidays” as well during their celebration of Winter Solstice?

I also noticed, despite of wishing “Happy Holidays” during the Christmas season in the media, that the commercial part of Christmas is still referred to “Christmas shopping.” Where is the consistency? Should it not be “Holiday” Shopping instead? Now I have brought forth more confusion or more controversy. Maybe I've even reminded the media to be careful with their terminology usage. Regardless of what they think, my point is that Christmas is not to be associated with commercialism. During Thanksgiving, regardless if it is the American or Canadian, most people go back to their hometown to have family gatherings. They may or may not buy gifts for each other. Christmas usually bears the same meaning if you are not a Christian. However, it has become so commercialized in the last decade that the meaning of it has since faded. I see that for the Americans, it's too close to Christmas where most of the money spending takes place. Why is the Canadian Thanksgiving not been commercialized? It's way before Christmas.

Another thing I noticed is many shopping centres are broadcasting Christmas songs. Many of these songs are reprised by famous artists. Many of these same artists have swayed from saying “Merry Christmas” to “Happy Holidays.” Despite of that, why are they still singing Christmas carols? Isn't that a slap on their own face? They wanted to be politically correct, however, they record these Christmas songs and makes a profit out of it. Would this not be like revealing to the world that you don't take drugs but you not only take them, you also sell them? Totally obsurd from my point of view.

This Christmas, I bring upon a challenge to you all. This is what I have and will continue to do so until it's declared illegal: I will continue to wish anyone I see “Merry Christmas” regardless of what they celebrate. It's been as such since as far as I could remember. I don't intend to change it and it is not possible either. If I wanted to become a Korean, I could dress, talk, walk, eat, sleep like a Korean. No matter what I do, I'll never become an authentic Korean for my blood flows Chinese “descendancy.” It does not matter how one wraps one's hand. One could make it look like a foot. However, it's only on the exterior. Below the wrappings, it's still a hand. That is a fact and is not changeable no matter what is done. So, is Christmas. Merry Christmas to you all.

A toast.

It was just a while ago, a buddy of mine got married. Him & I go way back. Back to when we were wearing bell bottom slackers or jeans. Our hair cut was performed by my mother and it looked like she placed a bowl on our heads and chipped off whatever was sticking out.

I remember when my Dad took me and my sister out, he'd tell us that we're going to John's place. This was how I related to him, by going to John's place. Our friendship grew and we also fought a lot for our toys. It wasn't until recently when I was thinking about how long we've known each other, slowly I realized that I started to envy him for having all these toys and especially Lego toys. Then he'd have seen all the original Star Wars series. It was just 2 years ago when I saw the original series. Today however, I am happy for him for having such a lovely bride. Thank God that I'm not losing out. I also have a lovely wife and a daughter that's cute as ever.

We lost touch for some years despite being in the same town. It came to a point where I started to think about our friendship. We started to have different friends. We hardly spoke to each other till I started to converse more and more with Julie. The more we talked, the more I wanted to resume our friendship. Its very rare to know someone who's known you since childhood. We came from a similar back ground. We attended the same church, the same school, lived in the same town. Our parents knew each other.

John has brought to his household a well deserved wife. She's able to prepare meals in the kitchen and presentable in the living room. She's family oriented and loves her husband. I also know that John will love and protect her with all his might.

Julie, I know that John has found you as his life long companion. I trust that God will bless the two of you. Rest assured that He'll shower your life together on a daily basis with His blessings.

John, thank you for letting me stand beside you as your best man. When you asked me to prepare a speech, I thought of our friendship. I don't know why but I kept on thinking about the times we used to role play characters. Do you remember Siu Lung Lui? I still do! I will forever remember that. It was part of our happy childhood together and will remain the best memory between you and me. Cheers to our childhood friendship.

Was lost, but now found

She was not attractive. However, as soon as Doron was place on my hands and instructed to take good care of her, I felt this strong urge of bonding with an enormous sense of responsibility. I loved her as if she was my own. We walked hand in hand. As I sat down to chat with my friends, she'd sit silently right beside me. She is really so unattractive, but why am I so attached to her. Whenever I moved, she'd follow me.

My friend chatted with me for a long time. Suddenly, I was called to duty. I strode to fulfil my calling. I became distracted. I became extremely occupied. I even thought to sit for a drink is a luxurious thing. I continued being unavailable. I finally became very weary with exhaustion. I went home for an intermission.

Suddenly, I realized that I've lost Doron. I asked my friend, but he didn't see her. I called my other friend, and Doron was not with her but said she'll look for her. I visited another friend's house and Doron was not there either. Where could she have wandered off. Scared I became. Weary and worried I was. Sad and regretful I sensed.

I decided to walk the same route we walked and see if Doron could have been playing in the bushes and gotten lost. I walked pass and could not see any traces of Doron. More irritation and uneasiness rushed into my mind. By this time, there's a panic that roams freely in my conscience and tears were swelling up my eyes.

In the mist of a far distance, I saw a friend holding Doron in her hands. As soon as she saw me she ran towards me and handed Doron in my hands. I excitedly clutched Doron in my arms and wiped the tears off my eyes and breathed a sigh of relieve. We went back to the car and proceeded home. During the trek home, we gazed upon each other and I said: "Doron, you're so unattractive that no one would ever think of taking you away." Doron gazed at me and was glad to see me that she didn't care what I said. I too am glad that we've now found each other.

Unfairness

Why would one not be able to live as a person who tries to get along peacefully with everyone? Does one have to be a little obnoxious? Aren't we all supposed to pat each other on the back and aid each one another? An Asian saying goes like this: "When a pig is gutted, one will find that it's guts are filled with excrements." How come one must be careful and not fall into traps? Could one not roam around comfortably? Can't we all just not look at each other's benefit and thus at the end benefit ourself?

Will I wake up?

Inspired by and adapted from the songs of the movie version of Jonathan Larson's broadway musical: Rent

Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

One hundred and eight thousand minutes.
How do you measure two and half months?
Time wasted...time well wasted?
Mournful...
Scornful...
Playful...

Dull and day to day, hour to hour, and minute to minute!
Everyday is painful, but sometimes hopeful.
Numerous times the hopeful as turned doubtful.
Doubtful sometimes becomes sorrowful.

The gardener has left me in pains.
I must stand up and stop the whines.
The exit isn't as grand as my thoughts.
I limp and walked towards the main doors.

No day but it had to be on that day.
No other time it was and no other way.
No other day, but certainly it was planned before May.
What a way is was to spent my anniversary and birthday.

Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

The rose garden

As I entered a garden filled with roses, I noticed its vibrantly beautiful and they emit a fragrance that one would prefer to continously breathe in. The aroma of the rose is soothing and gives one's nose a sense of satisfaction. Many like it's appearance as it enhances any occasion and pleases one's eyes. This glourious scene elevated me to the seventh heaven.

Enthusiastically, I gazed upon the rose whenever the opportunity passes itself. Suddenly I became a part of that glory one wishes to be in. Moderately, I started to realize that roses also possessed nasty thorns. On one hand I admired the rose's beauty. On another, an unconscious fear spawned within me. It started to consume my mind and had a plan for me in the near future.

Now at each instant I see a rose, my mind takes the liberty of reminding me about the afflictions those thorns have left on my skin. At each opportunity is like the roses hurls its thorn or they chant their taunts at me. It isn't a pleasant scenery anymore. The afflictions inflicted were like punches that have bruised me all over. I've been hit. I lost my foothold and fell. Attaining and regaining my balance is not an easy thing to do. How much longer will it take for me to stand up tall and put this behind me? I want to move on, but am weak. I'm injured and waiting for the gardener to come and heal me.

Inner turbulence

partly inspired and adapted from song - Bohemian Rhapsody which is written and sung by Freddy Mercury of band: Queen.



a while back i entered a fantasy
it made one's dream come true
soon thereafter, like hell it seemed
occasionally there was a breeze.

now its like i've walked into a state of trance
so real it still looks
this does not seem like my real life
neither does it just seem like fantasy.

i stood still and pondered but i couldn't see why
shattered it became that dream
hell no more to add to that experience
but still i don't decipher the real meaning.

i feel like i've been caught in a landslide
there seems no escape from reality
"open your eyes" i've been told
the tears are stinging and closed they remained.

looking up to the skies i tried
the clouds forming thick and becoming dark
the end seem no where in sight
how much longer till daybreak shall i wait?

u'r not alone

after being read to from Q's blog, i had the urge to encourage her and also V & A as new parents. u guys are only at the beginning stage. nothing should discourage y'all at this stage. yes, these adorable, cute, and invaluable estates are entrusted on us. it's our responsibility to care, nurture, and also to cultivate them. and the latter is the most important part, i think. needless to say, i hesitantly compare ur situations to mine and whoa...need i go further?


i understand where u'r coming from. in fact, it's agreeable that it's definitely overwhelmening every single moment u'd spend that time with ur precious 1. despite the fact that i don't agree with most of the products she promotes, LL provided what she thought is the best for our little ones. her concerns are still valid if u focus ur vision beyond the surface of her lectures during her long and dragging classes. when u'r trying to promote something that u believe in, would u not make ur product stand up really high. one'd probably do the same thing she's done and continuosly do. please don't take me wrong as i'm not standing on her side because of the graceful success we had with our little 1's feeding. all i'm trying to pursuade y'all to see beyond. regardlessly, i'd still recommend anyone attending her classes. i'd also tell them the reason for that for i also believe that breastfeeding is good. however, if it doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world. there are alternatives and other responsibilities on ur side.

life is funny sometimes. many unpleasant things could happen. many pleasant things will balance it to make life worthy of it's living. it a matter of being able to balance it properly and appropriately. putting too much weight on the unpleasantness of life will only make it continously distasteful to urselves. what is successful to u, may not be for others. what is advantageous to other may not be of benefit to u. please don't be downcasted.

despite the drizzles that smashes on ur faces... when it seesm like u'r walking down the dark valley and feeling weak... even if the thunder crashes and the lightning flashes, don't be alarmed. just hang in there. the sun is still above the stormy clouds. them dark clouds will pass and bring forth beautiful clouds and the sunlight it will peak through to a point where it drowns us.

To my good Brother

The Lord is our shepherd. We will not be lacking anything less. Yes, walking down that valley of death is definitely a scary thing. Our God's protection is all we need. In His hands, He holds His staff. It's where the beautiful terrain of green grass God will walk us and along the quiet waters. That's where our sorrows are taken away from us and where our roots will be quenched of thirst. Fear no evil for God's with us. Protection, comfort, and peace He will bring forth to us. God does not make mistakes. God only makes good things out of unfortunate events. Stand strong in whatever the circumstances.
Continue to be faithful in whatever trials you face ahead. God has remained faithful to you and only faithful will He continue to be to you forever. Hold your arms up and He will certainly place you in his strong arms. It's only there we will find comfort. Even if you can't see it, take your first faithful step and He'll reveal to you the the very next one.

The playground that ought to be empty

Walking along a playground, I see many children wandering around. Some others are standing. Some are just watching. Some stopped with whatever they were doing and just keep staring at me. Some waved. Some others simply smiled and I responded the same way to those.

Questions...many of them then started to fly like arrows. "Why" was the most popular one. I don't know the answer as to why the "why's." I stopped for a bit to ponder upon the questions that targeted me. "Come along now, my child." Papa said to me. "Who are these children" I asked Papa, "and where are their parents?" Papa just responded with a smile. Then I asked one more question which stopped Papa: "Are they here because they've been naughty?" Papa turned around, crouched in front of me and said: "No, my child. They're here for a reason. They're sick." "Why are they sick at this age?" I responded " They're so young. Did they do something bad? Then Papa paused & he smiled to comfort me. He said: "Come here" and hugged me. Then he whispered in my ear, "That's because God wants to show us how graceful and powerful He is."

About SC & YT

There are two persons whom have been a great comfort in times of trouble.

SC is a very beautiful, lovely, and understanding person. She has the heart of a mother and the talent of a elder sister who loves her children and siblings. Her words of comfort are too simple to express using just mere words. However, when you read them, they'll be so soothing as if it was quenching a long scorching and dry thirst.

Although YT doesn't really speak much, his observations, however, are unusual. His father figure gives you the peace of mind and his comforts you safely. He can be a brother who stands out for his siblings and protects them. His guidance and words of wisdom will only benefit us in many ways during tests and trials.

I take pride in having them in my life. Thanks SC & YT.

...that absurd phone call

There are many things that we take advantage of in life. Things that we think are suppose to happen no matter what the circumstances. The air we breathe...we don't even think about it and breathe it in and out. Take a moment and think of a fish who lives in the water. Will it ever think of it's environment whilst it's swimming all of the it's home? What will it think if it's suddenly taken out of the water? Actually, what will go through it's mind when this happens? It will try to grasp for air, but whatever it takes in does not register. A fish will never think of what will happen if they're fished out of the water despite that we humans continuously mass fish them for our consumption.

This past Thursday, as I was strolling down the congested highway to a procedure, I received a call. I a few questions was racing through my mind and the first one was who'd be calling me so early in the morning? Then I was thinking if it was a friend who could call. Or maybe it was my parents. Finally the answer: it was to cancel the process. I was confused. The first instance my mind was thinking of how to explain this to my boss. At that moment, the only option for me was to go back home and await another call.

Everything was planned and now the whole plan is thrown of it's course. In the beginning of executing the plan, that one phone call puts it on hold. Now that's such a weird and absurd feeling, isn't it? All that planning now seems to be in vain. Funny, isn't it? I assure you that when you're living through it, there's nothing funny about it at all. I couldn't...actually, shouldn't get mad. It wasn't my fault, however, still I shouldn't. My mind was blank. I felt a sense of void... a sense of helplessness... a sense of disorientation.

On the way home, I was senseless. Why is this happening? Was I dreaming? The state of trance made me not want to head home. I wanted the plan to carry out. Such weird feeling. It was as if my vacation was cancelled at the last minute. It was a fact. Obediently, I drove home and waited...and that's what happened most of the day: I waited patiently.

Outcries from within

The trees are still barren. The grass are still pale after the snow has melted. The air is damp and the wind is steady with a chill. The many empty benches lying in the barren park. One lonely goose landed into the pond which has a thin layer of ice. It's lonely quack prompted me to take some pictures of these empty benches that lies lonely, in the park. They once were filled with people who were resting on it. Filled with people who were sharing their secrets on it. Filled with people who just simply sat there to enjoy the children playing in the park. Now their outcries in the cold. Their steel body that's now uninviting. Thoughts that are strongly depressed within. When will it be time again for it to be able to release a warm welcome? When will people start to feel comfortable on it again?


The wind continues to be chilly. The walk around the park is continually lonely. That goose isn't quacking anymore. The warmth within me is fading. It wants to be released. Thoughts that are depressed wants to be released. Thougths that only God would understand. But now He seems far away. Or maybe He never left. Just maybe if I could hear Him say one more time: "Come here my child and let me hold you." Maybe it's even me that isn't hearing it. The wind is still roaring and obstructing my ears.


There are too many suppressors around everyday. Too many to keep count. With a positive attitude I go by daily. Are these positiveness running out? Am I to step away from the crowd and enter loneliness? Should I be uninviting and obnoxious in a subtle way? Should I just follow my instinct? What else is there? There must be other choices. There has got to be another route. As I continue to wander my way around aimlessly, my home calls to me. It's there I'll find warmth. It's there I'll find comfort. In that warmth and comfort, I'll continue to face my challenges. Let Him who provides warmth and comfort also prepare me the strength I need to encounter the challenges ahead of me. May these grass become green again very soon. Let these trees be filled with leaves and wave at each other again. Allow these benches to be inviting for those who are weary to take a rest. Come back soon, you geese and orchestrate with the songs of the birds. Oh warm air, please return your breeze. I miss you.

A new Challenge

A friend of mine is a enthusiast in hiking. Him and his wife goes very often and would encourage me to tag along many times. After trying his training in the easier levels and eventually the more advanced levels, and finally to the levels where it involves some mountain climbing. One day he came to me and said: “You've been trained enough to go to the next stage. Next week, I want to take you to a trail where there's also a mountain to climb. Don't worry, you're training should be sufficient. If you're not ready, I wouldn't give you this challenge.” So, from today onwards, I have to be physically fit to take this challenge. Honestly speaking, I'm very nervous and somewhat frightened by unknowing what is ahead. I just don't know what to expect other than preparing myself mentally as well. Will there be places that I can't walk through? What happens if I encounter a thick fog? Would I be able to trample through marshes? Is the mountain steep? How much gear should I bring with me? Will I physically and mentally ready to take this challenge? What lies ahead is entirely a mystery.