Christmas

Christmas is less than a month away. I make it habit to say Christmas holiday to make a point. The following is a one of my good reason to say Christmas instead of holiday. Holiday? What holiday? Please be specific.

Here is it. Enjoy.

This is a Christmas Tree



This is a Christmas Tree

This is a Christmas Tree

This is a Christmas Tree

This is a Christmas Tree

This is a Christmas Tree

This is a Christmas Tree

And these are ChristmasTrees also

These are NOT Holiday Trees


They are NOT Winter Festival trees



They are NOT Hanukkah bushes



They are NOT Allah plants



They are Christmas trees.

Say it...

Christmas, Christmas, CHRISTmas

Yes CHRISTmas -not Holiday



We are not celebrating the birth of a Holiday !!!



We are Celebrating the Birth of Jesus Christ!!!

So I would like to say to each and everyone of you
Have a Very Merry CHRISTMAS
and may GOD BLESS each and every one of you!!!



Take a stand and pass this on !!

How old are you?

Not many of us likes hearing that question. Next to the forbidden discussed topics in most environments, age is almost at zero existence when you reach a certain stage of your life. From a certain moment in life onwards, one would constantly remind oneself is still “young” at heart and only if one would realize that is a trap which oneself allowed to fall into.

On Tuesday, 18 October, 2005, Beatrice Cordelia Lew was born. She has health risks which might be potentially dangerous, even as a fetus. Approximately 1 week after birth, we took her home. Since then, she’s only been back for 2 surgeries and regular checkups.

That’s been experienced in the last 5 years. If you say, “it’s a miracle”, yes, it is our miracle from God. If you say, “it’s a blessing”, pardon the expression, but “heck ya” it is. God has been guiding us each day while we nurture, discipline, educate, play, love this miraculous bundle of joy.

In the last five years of episodic adventures, I have fortunately been blessed with 5 birthdays with my daughter. A few moths back, I started to think of her birthday. Should I throw a huge party for her? Maybe we should invite her friends? Or do we just have a private party at home with just our family? But she’ll be 5. She is oriented with everything that is occurring. Shall I wait till she’s 7? For me, 7 is my age of realization. I remember it more from that point onwards. It might not be so for everyone and neither might it be for her.

I also pondered on the contents of a speech just prior to the cake cutting ceremony. As I continued to contemplate, it struck my mind that the actual celebration is about her blessed to live. It isn’t about the gifts or the fact that she is 5 or 7 or any previous or upcoming number. The fact that she’s able to celebrate her birthday is the most important factor. By the grace of God, she’s able to celebrate yet another birthday.

Regardless of what age you are or will be, I call upon you to reflect on and look forward to your birthday. Treat it as a sign of blessing from God and that you live to experience yet another birthday.

Finally, as for me, it’s certainly five years of living with a “courageous heart” where the “Princess” constantly brings forth “blessings” despite the inherited, yet mastered verbosity. Happy birthday, my sweet Princess Beatrice.

Do you still love me...

I came across this video. A touching testimony. The person in the video is Sharon Balcombe. She's an American that is born and raised in Hong Kong and considers herself a Chinese and uses the analogy of and egg: white on the outside, but yellow on the inside. Unfortunately, it's only in Chinese. Enjoy.

Part 1:


Part 2:

Creating nightmares for the future.

I was driving on the highway and following someone who was driving just below speed limit. This driver was on the brakes constantly and maintained a huge distance with the vehicle in front. However, this is on the lane just right of the HOV lane. If there wasn't a HOV lane, this car would be on the most left lane which is for passing. I figured, I didn't wanted to follow this car, so I changed lanes to pass this car. When I passed by and looked into the windows, I was so p.o.ed when I noticed the driver was on the phone and my impulse prompted me to honk. Then I changed lanes in front of this car and the driver quickly finished the phone conversation and continued to drive behind me. As I gazed into the rearview mirrors, I didn't see this driver back on the phone. I believe this driver got the message. That's why the driver was constantly on the brakes and driving a little slower than the speed limit and maintaining a speed and a huge distance from the cars in front.

Coincidentally, I came across this video online. Take a look.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

So, how do you feel about driving while holding a cell phone on your ears? If you need to talk constantly, park you car before you talk on your cell phone while holding it on your ears. Otherwise, get a headset. Or better, drive first and talk later when you're parked. Don't cause havoc or nightmares for yourself for the rest of your life.

Of inspirations.

I never thought it will ever happen to me when I'm sitting in my car. I'm do consider myself pretty strong. However, sometimes when I watch a good film, I might get slightly emotional...and yes, that is what happened to me that afternoon when Senator Obama was inaugurated into presidency. Please don't laugh at me for being emotional. Why I have become slightly emotional that afternoon, I gave up seeking the answer to that question. However, an African descend human being inaugurated is history in the making. Thus my thoughts as a visible minority slowly rises and creeps its way into my mind constantly.

Lately, I continued reading a blog of an Aussie, Ho Kwok Wing (aka Gregory), living in a land that is totally strange to him and he now calls it his home. His struggles as a foreigner living in a place where competition of time is fierce. Are we, as Asians, supposed to be sympathetic? Perhaps we feel entertained by a foreigner who speaks Cantonese with an accent? We might even feel it's comical. It might be possible that we see fit for a television show to have a foreigner portray a foreigner and thus it's suitable. If not, what makes it so special? Someway and somehow Gregory's life on foreign soil is nurturing and encouraging.

Watching some videos on YouTube, I think I might have found the answer for that. Michael is a Canadian living in Vancouver. He speaks Cantonese so fluent and his usage of idioms in Chinese fascinates me. Even I myself have been told countless times that I created an image so believable to people that I'm born and raised in Hong Kong, China, despite the fact, that I'm not. When these folks find out that I'm not born and raised in Hong Kong, I'm constantly questioned as how I have become so fluent. My response is that I'm Chinese and learn the language and hang out with those who speaks it. My parents also speak it fluently. In that video, Michael mentioned that he would one day become a professor of the Chinese linguistics.

In another video of the same source, YouTube, I see a South African making a living in Hong Kong, aptly named: Phillip. He also struggles in a foreign land and in turns loves Hong Kong and according to the video, he claims all his friend are Chinese. Phillip is a singer and entertains in songs of local Hong Kong, Taiwanese, Mandarin, and of-course in English. Making a living is though according to his interview. Making a living in a foreign land with a foreign language is even tougher. Very true statement. Phillip has learnt it first hand experience.

What makes these videos and blog posts from the above mentioned persons so inspiring and humbles me as an Asian of Chinese descend, is that their effort in learning a language and culture they have a passion for. The inauguration of President Obama has been witnessed by millions around the world. The citizens of African descend are the most proud for their passion of their dream has finally seen the light of day. For them it was an extreme special occasion and an eventful moment in history as the colour of their skins are no longer a stumbling block or prevention into anything. The inspirations of other people who makes it a passion to put in every effort they have to fit into a culture and learn a language that is not of their origin is essential enough to humble especially me.

Breaking traditions

Be-careful with the "C" word.

There’s this word in the English language that is on death row. It’s been dying lonely in the last few years. Have you noticed that the word “Christmas” is diluting rapidly from daily conversations? Oops...I said the "C" word. Well, I couldn’t careless!!! I will keep on saying it and even it has become illegal to say so, I will wish everyone a Merry Christmas during the Christmas season and Christmas holiday. What are they gonna do to me? Lock me up and throw away the keys?

A few years back, one of my colleagues at a reception desk, wished customers who came to pick up their vehicles “Happy Holidays” and I, you know...just said “Merry Christmas” to them. I questioned why she does that and she told me that not everyone celebrates Christmas and that I should not say “Merry Christmas” for it may make some people unhappy or offended. Ok...now that caught me by surprise. I’ve heard that it has become politically correct to refer Christmas time as the “Holidays” instead. Heck I’ve even heard on the news that it’s been lobbied to have the Christmas tree change to the “Holiday tree” instead. How about having the Christmas tree removed from the court house because it isn’t politically correct.

What is political correctness? It’s all politics. No matter what angle you’re looking at it or no matter what background your ethnicity is. If I want to call Christmas Christmas...then so be it. However, since I was born, which is like ages ago, I’ve also known Christmas to be Christmas. Yes, it’s brings forth a holiday....but it brings forth a holiday only. Why change the concept. Why shift this paradigm. It’s been traditional. Then again, some also question tradition. Heck, some even challenge tradition. Well, let’s not get into that this time.

On the radio, on the news and newspapers, in televisions, in adverts, on signs of retail sales, in books and magazines, in cards, in and on....everywhere in North America, Christmas time is no longer referred to Christmas anymore. Have you heard of Happy Holidays? How about Holiday sale? Better yet, Holiday gifts or Holiday gift cards? Then there’s also Holiday schedule or Holiday hours. Hmm...don’t forget Holiday cards. Also, we have the Holiday season. Finally, there’s the Holiday mood.... Now that’s a killer, isn’t it? The list could go on however, you get the idea.

Holiday whatever... Don’t you think it’s so lame? Holiday to me is like a vacation, time off, a cruise, a trip to wherever, even time off to do some chores or whatever else around the house, or just plain time off to do absolutely nothing and be a bum at home. That is how I’ve always been lead to believe of what the meaning of holiday is. Not just some lame definition to replace the event Christmas. Even event isn’t good enough to define what Christmas is. However, I do accept that there are many other cultures and religion that don’t celebrate Christmas and coincidentally, their cultural and religious celebration happen to fall on the same time. I’ll give you that one. Having said that, we live in Canada which for many is a “land of dreams” and a place where a “dream come true” is. In other words, you left your native land to pursue your dreams here. Would it not be customary to also follow the cultures and customs here in Canada?

Consider the following: Tradition is meaningless. We as a society in North America believe that we live in a so called “land of dreams.” However, we make it a habit of breaking traditional dreams. Our traditions are meaningless. We break them. By the way, isn’t the American dream “traditional” too? That spectrum should be banished. It’s become old fashioned to live the American dream for it’s too traditional.

The word Christmas has become a disease where people are avoiding it in their daily linguistics. It has become a vulgar. A curse word. A cuss word. A swear word that is unclean and unsuitable to be used in public. We just don’t want to become racist with the word Christmas for not everyone celebrates Christmas. We don’t want to isolate some people. We don’t want to discriminate them.

Personally, I don’t see where the discrimination part comes in, however, I’ve heard it being explained to me that way. So, what will it be? Merry Christmas and Christmas whatever or whatever Christmas to preserve it? Or do we become a contradicted double minded lame-brain silly pathetic person where we pursue the American dream and live in a society that wants to break from traditions?

Yes, but unfortunately, not quite.

Despite the bad weather forecast, on the wedding day, it was breezy with just the right temperature and plenty of sunshine. We sat in our car and with all the windows rolled down, the interior of the car was very comfortable. The church was located alongside a highway with vehicles of all kinds zooming to their whereabouts. The radio was set to play soothing jazz that she loves for me to play whenever she sits in my car. I sat in the driver seat and she in the rear right of the car. Mom has already went into the church. There we were as I reflected back just 2 days ago at the wedding rehearsal, she held his hands as we were all excited and very much looking forward to this day. All went so perfect. The music was right. The rundown was very smooth.

It was about more than a few months ago when we were told of this day, August 2, 2008. Her mother was especially looking forward to this day and it will finally happen. The closer it is the more she's worried. However, with the grace of God, it looks like it will happen.

Thus as I reflected on all these incidents, she sat in her seat and didn't say a word. The lyrics of a song by ABBA, The Winner Takes It All suddenly rushed through my mind. I couldn't say a word of comfort but the lyrics continuously roamed freely in my mind and here's how it goes:

I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

and the last verse goes like this:

I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all...

These words seems so true as it describes very much what she's trying to convey to me. I couldn't continue the conversation as she told me she's very tired. Nothing I could do then to just watch as the guest keeps on arriving and each one of them strolled excitedly and delightfully towards to the entrance of the church.

When she finally decided to go in, she held my hands as we walked into the church. It was a moment where I felt like we walked in slow motion like a movie. As we got closer to the entrance, one of the wedding receptionist opened the door for us and demonstrated her concerns and care. She asked if we wanted to enter the Sanctuary. I said, yes, but let her change first. So, she gladly directed us to the appropriate place. When she's all dressed, we proceeded to the Sanctuary with the same lady leading us. As the doors opened the couple getting married is already signing the wedding registry. I felt like it was like a television series I saw a long time ago, where the lover stormed into a church and as the doors swung open he yelled the name of a bride who was getting married. Well, we didn't quite do that. I looked for my wife and the lady guided us towards the front and we seated right behind my wife. As soon as she saw her changed, she was elated. I picked her up and sat her beside her Mom. I nodded in agreement of yes, but unfortunately, not quite there. Too bad she couldn't be the flower girl. However, we partook in the group photo.

My heart a bit sad, now that I think back. Yes she could have been the flower girl, but unfortunately, not quite. Then again, who's going to get married in the next year or two that she could finally partake in this honour again?

...how time flies.

It was like just yesterday that she was born. Struggling to get to the hospital. Anxiously, yet tired...waiting in the assessment room to find out if we were in too early and sent all the way back home or not. Finally being born, she's taken away. The closest I got to her was the distance of holding the scissors and cutting the umbilical cord. However, within a very short time, I was able to finally touch her. That little chubby girl wrapped in her diaper looking back at you so innocently and being the cutest thing I ever saw. Not even a tear, she had in her eyes.

When we finally got back home, she slept soundly. Learning about and getting used to her took time. When we finally got the hang of it, it was time for her to start having solids. But we just started the feed her milk.

...and then she started to cry. She wouldn't go to sleep at night but during the day she'll refuse to get up. She loves to drink water, but refuses to have milk from a bottle. She loves noodles but not so much fond with rice...the typical Asian food.

...and then it was time for her to be toilet trained. She needed to be trained for a few months. We were worried whether she'll be trained because she constantly had accidents and the numerous hours she sat on the thrown. However, she finally managed # 2...and then also managed # 1. So, the next challenge would be....I dunno?!


Today...well...and then she started her first day at school...preschool that is. Prior to registration, we took her to visit the environment a few times. She was shy on the first time. She was a little reluctant to play around the classroom. In the past few weeks, we started to tell her how nice it's at school. The closer it got, the more we brain washed her...er I mean educating her mind of the existence of school and what will happen and who she'll see and not see.

...and then she was, again taken away from use....I mean to our surprise she stayed on her own and again without a tear in her eyes. Well...I wonder what she'll tell us tonight. I wonder how she'll cope with having more of her peers around her? I wonder how she'll be treated? I wonder how she'll react when isn't able to communicate with her peers in her native language?

...hmmm, I just wonder.

The year was 1995, when I first met her. I fell in love at first sight. We became friends and things matured and we went on our first date. Soon afterwards, I started to fall deeper in love and we saw more of each other.

I took her all around town. Far and close we traveled together and many places we visited. We zoomed across many towns & cities. Camping was also among our activities together. We even went to school & work together.

Years later, her health has been affected her in various ways. Even though she was not in good condition and despite my daily schedules, I still tried to take care of her the best can. I took her to see the doctor and paid for all kinds of remedy and procedural expenses.

On March 24, 2008 as we were commuting like every morning, suddenly she was hit from the front. She suffered severe frontal and some internal damages. I took her to the hospital and as she stayed in the critical care unit, I consulted with the doctors on a daily basis about her condition as it was really critical. The doctors couldn't start any procedures until everything was clear and that they would have absolute positive results.

Then after 2 weeks, on April 4, I learnt she would not make it and the doctors are not able to provide further care for her condition is worsening day by day. I reasoned and tried every alternative way to revive her health. I persuaded and pleaded with the surgeons to carry on the revival.

I took her home for a few days and spent our last times together. Unfortunately, the hopeless journey had to finally come to an end. After I walked the last mile with her, she breathed her last prior to our adieus. I laid her to rest as she awaits the tow truck. Sadly, I will be forever separated from my love...my Madza 626, Born on December 1995 and died on April 11, 2008. May she rest in peace.

Thank you for reading this. Please note, this isn't intended for any pun of any sort and not directed to anyone. Just my reminiscence of my car.

2007

The year 2007 has been an interesting year for me. At the beginning, it never occured to me that it will be a compelling & stimilating one. Now that its nearing the end, I sit look at it and reminisce how it's been treating me. Are you ready to review this thought provoking year?

Back in April, my year & a half old daughter had to experience a major surgery. Imagine an innocent girl who hardly speaks, yet just starting to master her walking skills, and still needs milk approximately 3 times a day, has to prepare herself for surgery. We're talking about a surgery lasting a few hours from end to end. Then the agony of recovery. It isn't a pretty sight. However, with God's grace, not only was our stay at the hospital only 1 week, my daughter's surprise healing was only months. She's now almost like any normal child...being active and achieving every miles stone for her age.

Around the same time right after my daughter's surgery, I lost my job due to some office politics. Thus being idle for a few months made me think about my career path. My spiritual journey during these months was up & down...well, actually mainly down as always. However, bargaining with God was captivating in the essence where God showed me that I can't control my future. All these times I tried to do my best in every task that is laid upon me. No matter how hard I tried, it's still in God's hands.

In May, we went to see the world famous tulips at the Nation's capital: Ottawa. This weekend getaway was very relaxing and for our family to enjoy a time together away from home. We took lots of pictures and my daugther and wife was very happy.

My struggle in finding a job continued as I was looking forward in changing fields without a locked path and lacking any success. I had a view interviews but none worked out. I was however offered two opportunities where I turned down the initial one. When the second one was offered, I almost turned it down for I was very reluctant in taking this offer. Finally, I made a deal with God and decided to take this offer. In both fortunate & unfortunate circumstances the deal ended in an unsophisticated way. However, it was not as sweet as I hoped it would be. I don't know what God wanted me to learn from this experience. He placed me in an environment where I had to encounter situations where I do wish that I don't need to confront anymore in the future. This is where the guarantees will most likely not happen.

Regardless of what has taunted me or whatever I've engaged, it certain was also another year where God's blessing was sufficient. The blessings of God is what I am definitely guaranteed no matter what I am incapable of retreating from. No matter what the circumstances, as long as the Lord is walking with me, there is practically nothing I could fear. Even if I am scared to walk, I know that the Lord will hold my hand and maybe even carry me.

To all my Brothers & Sisters, I would like to express my gratitude for standing beside us while we were in our down times. Your support and prayers has been the pillars for us to lean onto. Having you as our support has been one of God grace and blessing. There is nothing we would trade it for. As you enjoy this Christmas and New Year's celebrations, take the time to reflect on the Saviour's birth. I want to take this opportunity to wish a Merry Christmas and to all a blessed New Year.

Traditional Season's Greetings

In the last few years I noticed that many media have become the so called “Politically Correct” by using or sending their wishes during the Christmas Season as “Happy Holidays.” Come to think of it, I started to realize the impact there was in switching. I don't see the necessity for the switch. It seems to have changed the meaning for Christmas. The world has agreed that Christmas is celebrated on December 25 and December 25 it has been since forever. Then Hanukkah is around the same time. By the way, has anyone mentioned that the Asians and in this case mainly the Chinese also celebrate Winter Solstice on December 22. With the Chinese...I'm sorry, politically correct term: Asians, constitutes for approximately 1/5th of the worlds population. Many Asians agree that the celebration of Winter Solstice is more important than celebrating Chinese New Year for Winter Solstice is where family gathering happens for most just like Christmas for the Western world. By this I refer to North & South Americans and most Europeans. In other words, do the Asians also have to join this campaign in changing their wishes to “Happy Holidays” as well during their celebration of Winter Solstice?

I also noticed, despite of wishing “Happy Holidays” during the Christmas season in the media, that the commercial part of Christmas is still referred to “Christmas shopping.” Where is the consistency? Should it not be “Holiday” Shopping instead? Now I have brought forth more confusion or more controversy. Maybe I've even reminded the media to be careful with their terminology usage. Regardless of what they think, my point is that Christmas is not to be associated with commercialism. During Thanksgiving, regardless if it is the American or Canadian, most people go back to their hometown to have family gatherings. They may or may not buy gifts for each other. Christmas usually bears the same meaning if you are not a Christian. However, it has become so commercialized in the last decade that the meaning of it has since faded. I see that for the Americans, it's too close to Christmas where most of the money spending takes place. Why is the Canadian Thanksgiving not been commercialized? It's way before Christmas.

Another thing I noticed is many shopping centres are broadcasting Christmas songs. Many of these songs are reprised by famous artists. Many of these same artists have swayed from saying “Merry Christmas” to “Happy Holidays.” Despite of that, why are they still singing Christmas carols? Isn't that a slap on their own face? They wanted to be politically correct, however, they record these Christmas songs and makes a profit out of it. Would this not be like revealing to the world that you don't take drugs but you not only take them, you also sell them? Totally obsurd from my point of view.

This Christmas, I bring upon a challenge to you all. This is what I have and will continue to do so until it's declared illegal: I will continue to wish anyone I see “Merry Christmas” regardless of what they celebrate. It's been as such since as far as I could remember. I don't intend to change it and it is not possible either. If I wanted to become a Korean, I could dress, talk, walk, eat, sleep like a Korean. No matter what I do, I'll never become an authentic Korean for my blood flows Chinese “descendancy.” It does not matter how one wraps one's hand. One could make it look like a foot. However, it's only on the exterior. Below the wrappings, it's still a hand. That is a fact and is not changeable no matter what is done. So, is Christmas. Merry Christmas to you all.

A toast.

It was just a while ago, a buddy of mine got married. Him & I go way back. Back to when we were wearing bell bottom slackers or jeans. Our hair cut was performed by my mother and it looked like she placed a bowl on our heads and chipped off whatever was sticking out.

I remember when my Dad took me and my sister out, he'd tell us that we're going to John's place. This was how I related to him, by going to John's place. Our friendship grew and we also fought a lot for our toys. It wasn't until recently when I was thinking about how long we've known each other, slowly I realized that I started to envy him for having all these toys and especially Lego toys. Then he'd have seen all the original Star Wars series. It was just 2 years ago when I saw the original series. Today however, I am happy for him for having such a lovely bride. Thank God that I'm not losing out. I also have a lovely wife and a daughter that's cute as ever.

We lost touch for some years despite being in the same town. It came to a point where I started to think about our friendship. We started to have different friends. We hardly spoke to each other till I started to converse more and more with Julie. The more we talked, the more I wanted to resume our friendship. Its very rare to know someone who's known you since childhood. We came from a similar back ground. We attended the same church, the same school, lived in the same town. Our parents knew each other.

John has brought to his household a well deserved wife. She's able to prepare meals in the kitchen and presentable in the living room. She's family oriented and loves her husband. I also know that John will love and protect her with all his might.

Julie, I know that John has found you as his life long companion. I trust that God will bless the two of you. Rest assured that He'll shower your life together on a daily basis with His blessings.

John, thank you for letting me stand beside you as your best man. When you asked me to prepare a speech, I thought of our friendship. I don't know why but I kept on thinking about the times we used to role play characters. Do you remember Siu Lung Lui? I still do! I will forever remember that. It was part of our happy childhood together and will remain the best memory between you and me. Cheers to our childhood friendship.

Was lost, but now found

She was not attractive. However, as soon as Doron was place on my hands and instructed to take good care of her, I felt this strong urge of bonding with an enormous sense of responsibility. I loved her as if she was my own. We walked hand in hand. As I sat down to chat with my friends, she'd sit silently right beside me. She is really so unattractive, but why am I so attached to her. Whenever I moved, she'd follow me.

My friend chatted with me for a long time. Suddenly, I was called to duty. I strode to fulfil my calling. I became distracted. I became extremely occupied. I even thought to sit for a drink is a luxurious thing. I continued being unavailable. I finally became very weary with exhaustion. I went home for an intermission.

Suddenly, I realized that I've lost Doron. I asked my friend, but he didn't see her. I called my other friend, and Doron was not with her but said she'll look for her. I visited another friend's house and Doron was not there either. Where could she have wandered off. Scared I became. Weary and worried I was. Sad and regretful I sensed.

I decided to walk the same route we walked and see if Doron could have been playing in the bushes and gotten lost. I walked pass and could not see any traces of Doron. More irritation and uneasiness rushed into my mind. By this time, there's a panic that roams freely in my conscience and tears were swelling up my eyes.

In the mist of a far distance, I saw a friend holding Doron in her hands. As soon as she saw me she ran towards me and handed Doron in my hands. I excitedly clutched Doron in my arms and wiped the tears off my eyes and breathed a sigh of relieve. We went back to the car and proceeded home. During the trek home, we gazed upon each other and I said: "Doron, you're so unattractive that no one would ever think of taking you away." Doron gazed at me and was glad to see me that she didn't care what I said. I too am glad that we've now found each other.

Unfairness

Why would one not be able to live as a person who tries to get along peacefully with everyone? Does one have to be a little obnoxious? Aren't we all supposed to pat each other on the back and aid each one another? An Asian saying goes like this: "When a pig is gutted, one will find that it's guts are filled with excrements." How come one must be careful and not fall into traps? Could one not roam around comfortably? Can't we all just not look at each other's benefit and thus at the end benefit ourself?

Will I wake up?

Inspired by and adapted from the songs of the movie version of Jonathan Larson's broadway musical: Rent

Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

One hundred and eight thousand minutes.
How do you measure two and half months?
Time wasted...time well wasted?
Mournful...
Scornful...
Playful...

Dull and day to day, hour to hour, and minute to minute!
Everyday is painful, but sometimes hopeful.
Numerous times the hopeful as turned doubtful.
Doubtful sometimes becomes sorrowful.

The gardener has left me in pains.
I must stand up and stop the whines.
The exit isn't as grand as my thoughts.
I limp and walked towards the main doors.

No day but it had to be on that day.
No other time it was and no other way.
No other day, but certainly it was planned before May.
What a way is was to spent my anniversary and birthday.

Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare?

The rose garden

As I entered a garden filled with roses, I noticed its vibrantly beautiful and they emit a fragrance that one would prefer to continously breathe in. The aroma of the rose is soothing and gives one's nose a sense of satisfaction. Many like it's appearance as it enhances any occasion and pleases one's eyes. This glourious scene elevated me to the seventh heaven.

Enthusiastically, I gazed upon the rose whenever the opportunity passes itself. Suddenly I became a part of that glory one wishes to be in. Moderately, I started to realize that roses also possessed nasty thorns. On one hand I admired the rose's beauty. On another, an unconscious fear spawned within me. It started to consume my mind and had a plan for me in the near future.

Now at each instant I see a rose, my mind takes the liberty of reminding me about the afflictions those thorns have left on my skin. At each opportunity is like the roses hurls its thorn or they chant their taunts at me. It isn't a pleasant scenery anymore. The afflictions inflicted were like punches that have bruised me all over. I've been hit. I lost my foothold and fell. Attaining and regaining my balance is not an easy thing to do. How much longer will it take for me to stand up tall and put this behind me? I want to move on, but am weak. I'm injured and waiting for the gardener to come and heal me.

Inner turbulence

partly inspired and adapted from song - Bohemian Rhapsody which is written and sung by Freddy Mercury of band: Queen.



a while back i entered a fantasy
it made one's dream come true
soon thereafter, like hell it seemed
occasionally there was a breeze.

now its like i've walked into a state of trance
so real it still looks
this does not seem like my real life
neither does it just seem like fantasy.

i stood still and pondered but i couldn't see why
shattered it became that dream
hell no more to add to that experience
but still i don't decipher the real meaning.

i feel like i've been caught in a landslide
there seems no escape from reality
"open your eyes" i've been told
the tears are stinging and closed they remained.

looking up to the skies i tried
the clouds forming thick and becoming dark
the end seem no where in sight
how much longer till daybreak shall i wait?

u'r not alone

after being read to from Q's blog, i had the urge to encourage her and also V & A as new parents. u guys are only at the beginning stage. nothing should discourage y'all at this stage. yes, these adorable, cute, and invaluable estates are entrusted on us. it's our responsibility to care, nurture, and also to cultivate them. and the latter is the most important part, i think. needless to say, i hesitantly compare ur situations to mine and whoa...need i go further?


i understand where u'r coming from. in fact, it's agreeable that it's definitely overwhelmening every single moment u'd spend that time with ur precious 1. despite the fact that i don't agree with most of the products she promotes, LL provided what she thought is the best for our little ones. her concerns are still valid if u focus ur vision beyond the surface of her lectures during her long and dragging classes. when u'r trying to promote something that u believe in, would u not make ur product stand up really high. one'd probably do the same thing she's done and continuosly do. please don't take me wrong as i'm not standing on her side because of the graceful success we had with our little 1's feeding. all i'm trying to pursuade y'all to see beyond. regardlessly, i'd still recommend anyone attending her classes. i'd also tell them the reason for that for i also believe that breastfeeding is good. however, if it doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world. there are alternatives and other responsibilities on ur side.

life is funny sometimes. many unpleasant things could happen. many pleasant things will balance it to make life worthy of it's living. it a matter of being able to balance it properly and appropriately. putting too much weight on the unpleasantness of life will only make it continously distasteful to urselves. what is successful to u, may not be for others. what is advantageous to other may not be of benefit to u. please don't be downcasted.

despite the drizzles that smashes on ur faces... when it seesm like u'r walking down the dark valley and feeling weak... even if the thunder crashes and the lightning flashes, don't be alarmed. just hang in there. the sun is still above the stormy clouds. them dark clouds will pass and bring forth beautiful clouds and the sunlight it will peak through to a point where it drowns us.

To my good Brother

The Lord is our shepherd. We will not be lacking anything less. Yes, walking down that valley of death is definitely a scary thing. Our God's protection is all we need. In His hands, He holds His staff. It's where the beautiful terrain of green grass God will walk us and along the quiet waters. That's where our sorrows are taken away from us and where our roots will be quenched of thirst. Fear no evil for God's with us. Protection, comfort, and peace He will bring forth to us. God does not make mistakes. God only makes good things out of unfortunate events. Stand strong in whatever the circumstances.
Continue to be faithful in whatever trials you face ahead. God has remained faithful to you and only faithful will He continue to be to you forever. Hold your arms up and He will certainly place you in his strong arms. It's only there we will find comfort. Even if you can't see it, take your first faithful step and He'll reveal to you the the very next one.

The playground that ought to be empty

Walking along a playground, I see many children wandering around. Some others are standing. Some are just watching. Some stopped with whatever they were doing and just keep staring at me. Some waved. Some others simply smiled and I responded the same way to those.

Questions...many of them then started to fly like arrows. "Why" was the most popular one. I don't know the answer as to why the "why's." I stopped for a bit to ponder upon the questions that targeted me. "Come along now, my child." Papa said to me. "Who are these children" I asked Papa, "and where are their parents?" Papa just responded with a smile. Then I asked one more question which stopped Papa: "Are they here because they've been naughty?" Papa turned around, crouched in front of me and said: "No, my child. They're here for a reason. They're sick." "Why are they sick at this age?" I responded " They're so young. Did they do something bad? Then Papa paused & he smiled to comfort me. He said: "Come here" and hugged me. Then he whispered in my ear, "That's because God wants to show us how graceful and powerful He is."